* Warning: This is a rough translation in some vague English...*
... So is the original version in a vague language... *
Testimony
I cannot walk any more, I am constrained at forced rest in a small room. I burned my feet by a too long walk under the sun. I meditate, I empty myself, emptiness is done in me, little by little, in my heart, my spirit, my body. I am weightless, a mountain smiles on a side and an arch of stone blinks on the other, sunset side... I am here in the half-light of this afternoon in the beginning of summer, in this tiny room, I rest on the bed, lying on the side.
I feel my heart beating in my chest, the blood circulating in my veins and arteries, a major pulsation, increasingly major, increasingly large. I feel it in all my body, alive, increasingly alive, so alive that it becomes impressive!... I can barely support all this aliveness!... It seems to me that I rectify myself, the beat of my heart fills up all my body, it even starts to pulsate in the air around me. The air is alive of this same beat and this beat, this pulsation still develops until filling the whole room, until overflowing it. The beat of my heart becomes the beat of the world and the world is absorbed in this beating heart, this alive heart, and the world disappears in this pulsation and the world and this heart are not any more separate... It is that same one beat! And this heart and this world disappear and are absorbed in turn in the Core of the Universe, and all around me, 'me' as mere consciousness, as mere is-ness, everything disappear and are absorbed in this Core, in this Single Chorus, in this Unique flow...
When I say or write that all disappears and is absorbed, I really mean it. None of what is definite or defined as separate form exists any more... All matters, all materials, all things are transformed, "informed", destroyed, fluxed, melted in this pulsation which is the Heart, the Energy of the Whole Life, Totally. An immaterial but immensely alive "matter", raw material of all life. And I am this matter and all is this matter, bed, chair, this human body, the walls even are this aliveness, alive immaterial matter, nothing other that this non material matter is. All is That, Pure Consciousness... All is born out of That, of this matter of life, this "cosmic soup", all is atomized in this Heart, this Source of All Life, and I am that and All is that!...
I see "myself", I see this identity which was believed, or wanted to believe itself a separated person, different from the world and others. I "see" all that this focused point of "identity" has gathered of energy to build itself, this "me". And I see that in this "me", in this "I" which has built itself, which imagined itself, something, a 'Consciousness', was never deceived of all that, of all these "I", all these pretending, all these roles.
I "see", I "include/understand" all that. I see this real I, not even an "I", this All Consciousness. Consciousness recognizes itself in this small "I" this tiny dot of consciousness, and "I am" Consciousness, and All is Consciousness. This "I Am-Consciousness", this "Ego Eimi" of the Gospel of Thomas, this Ego Eimi of Jesus, this Ego Eimi of the Holly Fire of God! 'I Am' recognizes Itself!... "I am that Iam". All Consciousness.
All this was seen, known and 'realized' in a "speck of No-Time", because in this Heart, neither time nor space nor form remain any more. Nothing is other than That. Absolute Consciousness! It is what We Are, what All Is actually! The dream of 'me' and of 'the other' tore... The ' me' and the ' you' do not have reality, no more reality than the 'characters' than we see to be agitated on our movie screens... What to say? Nothing. It is Absolute in Itself.
... Difficult also to conceal that... It is the abandonment, forced or fortuitous of my resistances, of the crystallizations of energy focused on "my person", the usual mask of ' I ', which open to this obvious recognition. By reeling my stories without kindness nor indulgence in a real interrogation, by emptying me of the objects and prone of 'myself ', the obviousness of our True Nature reveals itself... - Period -
I finally leave this room, shattered, astound, 'turned over' in the real meaning of the term by this revelation, this apocalypse of what I am, of what All Is. We are That and not a thing nor anyone miss the call, neither dead nor alive. Life dosen't die! All is absolute and absolution! Only misses this recognition, the obviousness of the Ultimate, the Beloved, the One in ourselves... and even this "Drama", this forget-foolishness, this role playing is entirely part of it!...
I walk, I am deafened... Being experiencing this body, in this populated scenery astonishes me. All seems so unreal! I do not know which attitude to adopt; I do not know anything any more of the uses of this world!... 'I', as much as I can pretend that, try to pass unperceived, to cover myself with a passable identity. I feel myself stripped as a new-born baby! 'At the best' I reinstate this usual identity, however not as if nothing occurred, impossible!... How to be in this usual world with this Consciousness which, like a devastator breath, blows down all the houses of cards of our personal stories? Wind our stories! Dreams and lies! Ashes and dust!
Under the shock! Thus, I as well as possible try to play my role of tourist seemingly knowing where he goes and what he does... Actually I do not know anything any more! I drift; I let myself be carried... Finally I find myself in the center of a large city, in a park, I feel well, the air is fragrant with the scent of bay-trees, and... It's so good!.. So good that I am invaded by an infinite gratitude to be here, simply here, alive, simply alive, a word comes to me,"Grateful"! I am voiceless!... I don't even know the exact translation of this word but I am sure that it's right, that it's That! 'Grateful my Lord'! Thank you Lord! I incline myself and I open the arms as a sign of thanksfullness, of recognition, of gratitude... I greet Life, I bow to That...
A slow walk moves my body, I discover a menagerie, an old tired wolf, some ibexes, parrots, I move forward... I see a man of profile, the belly ahead, a cigarette on the lips which looks at an eagle in its birdcage... I feel like an insult, a lack of respect to this bird in its cage from the behalf of this man... I approach towards him with this feeling in me, I arrive at one meter, the man goes away... I turn to the eagle like to apologize for the attitude of this man. Just at this moment, the eagle which had the head turned on the side, like ignoring this man, the eagle turns its head towards me and stares its eyes in my eyes!... What a glance! What a high flight, what a dignity, what a royalty in this glance! What a respect, what a truth! He also is That!... It is That which looks at me through him, in him. It is That which is looking at itself and recognized! A laser, a sabre, a sword of fire! What a shock again! I incline myself in front of this force, in front of this fire of life, I withdraw myself back. It is a lot, almost too much! How to be alive at this point?! That burns, consumes, nothing does resist that.
I go on walking... I pick some berries fallen on the floor from a mulberry tree, simply so good... I walk up a small path, I see an old woman sitting on a bench close to a fountain on a hillock. She is a little granny; the kind of old people in some retirement home, she wears a blouse with the buttoning distended by its stoutness. She addresses me in English, asks from which country I come. As I answer she tells me two words in French, says that her heart is sick. I "see", it is truly the heart which is sick, but not the physical heart, it's the inside heart, and I start to speak. The words come all alone, she requires me to speak in English, too difficult for her to follow in French, I go on in English. Simple English, stripped of ornaments of language, basic English that I do know, and I speak... I speak?...
No, 'That' speaks through me, through this body from this Consciousness that I met, from this Consciousness that ' I Am '. The words leave simply, easily, clearly, like a 'lesson of things', a sharing, a true compassion... and I hear these words that are pronounced by my mouth to this old woman of over 70 years...
" Who am I to say that, to speak like that? "... I feel constrained; I sense that something occurs... The old lady feels it too. I see it, it shows obviously on her face, in all her attitude, she really listens what is being said, she is all attention, it is not a casual conversation, or rather these are not banal words. The words stop, we keep silent. Silence wraps us; we look at each other, the two of us astonished, surprised, touched at the deepest by these Words. She thanks me, I stammer that I do not have anything to do with that, that it is not me whom it is necessary to thank; I greet her and go...
I cross the hillock and leave by the large alley which goes down, I walk six meters, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven... I do not take a step moreover! I am nailed on the spot, 'verticalized' straighten up by a shower of light! A light which "descends" above my body, which bathes me, which waters me, which submerges me, which purifies me, which 'oints' me!... It is Anointment, it is the Alive Pentecost! The Spirit runs and penetrates me... radiates through my usual consciousness... I cannot say so but I feel it in all fibers, in all cells of the body, the heart, the spirit. I am this Light, That is sensed, that recognizes itself, that flows, irradiates in me, "me"?...
Who me? Who am I? What am I really?!...
An Infinite Love!..
Yes an infinite love which dissolves this me in tears, washes this me away, still today, an infinite love which wraps me, which comforts me, which overwhelms me, an infinite love in which this isolated 'me' is given up completely, totally. I am in the Source, I Am Source!... Sharp fountain, alive stone, yes, I am That!... Sameness! That runs in me, emerges in this body after all these years of excavations, of search of I did not even know what! Only the desire of freedom guided me, pushed me, and recalled me to That, hidden in the deepest of myself. I cry, these tears are so good my son, my father, my mother, you all, how these tears are beautiful and warm and soft and true, how This is True! It is Truth!...
The Scriptures do not lie! It is the Truth which spoke; it is the Truth which speaks after all these years about hard and conventional lies, after these years of fear of confusingly knowing oneself to be lying and to be afraid that these lies will be discovered. This fear of being uncovered from this false character in the world of the educated lies, and to be exposed by the world of Truth, the Truth of the World...
Oh my heart! This Heart! This Spirit! That runs, runs, runs, I am all of water, all water, and that is shining in the sun and that is illuminated! I don't know how long I stay like that, but at some point, somehow my body still manages to take some steps down to a small hidden corner in a big hedge... And in these endless tears of gratitude, this recognition still comes to me, a sentence crosses through the mind: "I have to teach!"... And I recognize, and I know that I know that since always, even before this body appeared. It was always known! Nothing personal! Not at all! And I know that any life tends to That, to this real recognition, and I know that apart from That nothing is! I know that I know, "here and now, hear and know!"...
Pure jubilation!... A pure joy dancing, singing and celebrating itself... « Here and now, hear and know »... Alleluia! Yes, this overwhelming joy in this very moment! This « Knowing », this « teaching » do not dwell in thinking; religious, philosophical, or didactical discourses, but in the humbleness and simplicity, in the listening, in the recognition of the obvious, of simple things and the simple acts that ensue, that follow, from Source... In the very moment, in the moment only... That's the only Truth.
This Jubilation is here, right here in this very Moment, 'Here and Now', ever ready to reveals itself, to welcome itself when we welcome Life, when we open up, when we 'meditate', when we forget ourselves, in the Moment, the Embrace is here. That's the only secret...
The One recognizes itself in each of us, in a unique way in each one, all gathered, altogether in its Core. Here it is... Here, see this 'for-give-ness' giving itself, accomplishing itself, inscribing itself, untying itself, chanting and dancing That... We are 'For-Given' of "That", all Consciousness, all Love, all Goodness. I owe this For-Give-ness to That, to this silence, almost guilty, which has been mine not to dare to testify of That... Incapability and provisory mind disorder, and fear to be taken for an « enlightened cuckoo »!...
How to testify of That? It's impossible. Words do not reach there... Nothing but the infinity of Consciousness and Love now. Everything is its alive testimony. That's what we are, what all things are. All merges and melts and revealing itself in the Core of the Instant. Pure Aliveness.
There is only Being Consciousness Love